13 weeks

Well the last couple of weeks have been alot better than the previous!!! I only throw up now and again, and the nausea is only very mild and not all the time! Phew!

Had scan on Monday, seems that all is ok, although it took hours to get the baby into a profile position for the downs testing!! I was in so much pain later in the day from all the rocking and prodding i was made to do!! I could hardly move! So other than waiting for blood results, all seems ok. The baby is very wiggly on screen and i am sure that i have started to feel movement!

This morning i woke up with a very bloated tummy and yelled "i have a bump", but after going to the loo it deflated somewhat!

When i reached 12 weeks i did a bit of googling as a felt i had reached a milestone. I googled "symptoms at 12 weeks" and came across molar pregnancy info which worried me no end! I looked further into it, and came across a website that had images of molar pregnancy as well as images of babies from people who had miscarried  or had still births - THIS REALLY AFFCTED ME!! I was so shocked to see this sort of thing infront of me and i couldnt undertsand why people would want to put images like that on the web of their babies?! I guess its a healing process, but i think there should be a hell of a lot more proceedures in place, to help innocent paranoid pregnant women avoid it! End rant.

My cousin is pregnnat and due a week before me and has been going crazy on facebook about it, wheras i havent said a word about my pregnancy. I announced it to the family via email (we live a long way apart) last night, and she had a complete melt down about it lol. Takes the attention off of her somewhat and she didnt like it! Idiot - why cant people enjoy their own happiness and others aswell?!

Anyway....


Fruit seems to be the food of the day at the moment - nom nom nommer!

I need a holiday - looking to fly in february. I will be 5/6 months is this ok?!?!

Anyhoo - love and luck

FH X

11 weeks tomorrow

Well i had a week of no sickness and it was rather splendid! Pretty much eaten normally, but last night the sickness came back :( I know it can be on and off at various times but i was sooooo happy it had gone! He he he the joys!

Other than that DH and i finally "got close" and all was good! Yay!

Noticed my trousers are a little tight now so need to go get some new ones like yesterday!! The world of maternity wear is a new one to me, i have no idea where to start! I may just buy some bigger clothes until bump appears....

Anyways hope all is ok with y'all!

FH X

Nause-ARGHHHHH

Wow its fair to say i have been truly hit by the vomitting truck! I had a good week back at work last week, and managed to keep small amounts of food in me all day :) Then this week happened! I have spent nearly all of this week with my head back in the bucket/toilet/any vessel thats near! I have only kept 3 bits of toast down in 3 days, and yesterday even liquid wasnt staying down.... today however i found restbite in lucozade...what an amazing product it is, and i havent been sick!
It doesnt help that i have a mucousy nose which makes me gag quite alot and thus starts the sickness off again!
I guess its a good sign to be so ill, but i really would like to be a human again please!
Breast tenderness comes and goes, but still wearing a bra at night which helps.
Cant see a bump yet (obviously), but i certainly feel quite full in my uterus if i lean anything on it.
Saw my midwife for the first time this week. She seemed a bit "wet", more interested in paperwork than me, and when i told her about the sickness she told me to eat....ummmm go figure! Sheesh. I see her again at 16 weeks, so pretty much on my own until then. We should have our scan before this however.

So at the moment, my life is of the head in buckett form, with as much work as poss in between!

Thanks for all your comments, and i hope you are all well.

FH X

8 weeks tomorrow......and breattthhh

I have neglected my bloggerly duties! Thanks for your kind thoughts and comments - i guess you want an update!!
I was sent home from the hospital and had to wait until the Monday to go to the early pregnancy unit. The weekend was awful, i was still bleeding lightly, bright red blood, but i had no cramps and no clots. I spoke to a girl friend of mine who had 2 miscarriages in the past and she said no pain was a good sign, so i was mildy hopeful but still soooo scared and frightened.
So Monday came and i was taken in for my scan "the probe". The scan lady kinda frowned alot and i was expecting the worst, but she then said "looks like we're in business", i let a few tears roll down my face, and she briefly showed us the fetal sac, and i could see a heartbeat! They found a fibroid in my womb, and she couldnt see my right ovary, but basically everything was fine. I then had to see a doctor who explained that she didnt know why i was bleeding, but it could be cervical erosion which means an irritated cervix in short. She had a look and said there was a bit of erosion, but not too much to explain the bleeding. She said it could have been the placenta bedding into the uterus...but other than that no reason.... Sheesh.
So last week i stayed off of work and the sickess HIT ME LIKE A TRUCK! I have had my head in a bucket like ALOT!! I had to go to the docs in the end who gave me some travel tablets, which were ok but totally knocked me out! I have since figured that if i take half a dose its much better and i can function at the same time. But i only take them when i absolutely need to, as i dont want to use drugs if i can help it - but i needed them!
So the bleeding probably stopped by the tuesday, but i still had a browny, pinky discharge until today really. I am keeping my fingers crossed.
My boobs have started to hurt a bit more the last week to, and i am already well endowed in that dept, so i have started to wear a bra to bed. I like the fact they are preparing themselves!
I did have a private scan booked before the bleed for today infact, but we cancelled when we saw the embryo, and i want to let things settle before i go shoving more objects up there!! Which brings me to sex i miss the closeness with DH. He has been a trooper and not complained at all but i kinda wanna complain lol! I know its about the bigger picture though.
Grr i just lost a whole load of stuff - internet explorer sucks!!!
So my manager has been very supportive, I have 2 managers and i told my newest one first what was happening, and she has been fab. I deliver training for my local county council and today she told me to pull back from delivery until i am 12 weeks. Pushing, pulling, lifting and standing too long are not good at the moment so i am soo happy she has supported me to do this. Not what i expected. My other manager "sarah" is a married lesbian, and has spent many thousands trying to have a baby with her wife "babs". Babs has 4 kids already, and refuses to let sarah carry a baby because she likes to "carry" and wouldnt accept the baby if sarah carried it  lunatic if you ask me. This has really messes sarahs head up and since i told her my news she has been aloof and off work too... she is reluctant to show support in my need to be careful and i am worried she is gonna go over the edge... I feel so sorry for her but dunno how to approach this bit... I guess i need to just focus on me, harsh as that sounds.
So it seems for now i am ok, but who knows what the next week will hold!! I am sorry for the late blog, i just couldnt face anything last week!
Love and luck
FH X

BLOOD

I am or at least i hope i still am 6 weeks +3 today. Yesterday i had just started to relax a little about this pregnancy, i have been having some cravings for certain foods, like steak pie, so headed out to find some - i wasnt succesful but settled for a chilli instead!
I noticed some pressure in my womb area as i was wondering around the store, and didnt really think anything of it. I also had some stabbing pains in my right ovary area (which i have been getting a hint of the last few days). It wasnt very painful at all but enough to notice...

I got home, shoved the chilli in the microwave and went for a pee. When i wiped there was bright red blood all over the tissue... i kinda said "oh f*ck" and called hubby to tell him (answerphone grr) and went straght to the ER.

It seemes to turn pinky by the time i had got there but still had the stabby psin in right ovary. They took bloods, said my urine was full of blood but there was basically nothing they can do and sent me home. They booked me a scan at the early pregnancy unit on Monday morning - another weekend stressing...

As i left the ER the blood was red again, but overnight seems to have stopped, i may have passed a small clot last night but not sure as it was in the loo! I havent had cramping, just the stabby pain....

FH

Oh wow we didnt expect that!

WE ARE PREGNANT!

The week before we are due to go and sort out IVF treatment we get a miracle BFP! And boy is it a miracle, all of our tests say this is not possible... :)

I feel bad saying "pregnant" out loud, because its still really early, and i am oober superstitious, i am 5 weeks 5 days today... i am petrified and elated all at once. Every twinge and niggle i feel worries me to death and i swear my panic attacks are going to come back real soon! I am so worried that it will be an ectopic, as i have started to get a few sharp twinges in my right side today.... other than this though i had a few AF like pains during the first week which seem to have all but gone now. I get the odd dull ache or twinge if i stand up too quickly sometimes too.

Oddly my bowels aren't blocked up as all the books say, more the other way! Can someone reassure me please!!!!

I don't feel too bad at the moment apart from worrying about pains etc. I have had some nausea but it soon goes away after a little food. If i eat a big meal however i pay for it after!! Seems small and regular is the way to go! I have heard that the 6 week mark is when nausea really kicks in so we will wait and see on that one!

I had complete insomnia the week before BFP and a few days after but am settling back into sleep now. I have awful lower back pain at times, but have started to do the exercises mentioned in all the books, in a bid to strengthen my back and combat this pain! Warm baths are a god send!

The boobies are swelling and veiny and starting to darken ever so slightly!

I have booked a private scan on the 2nd Nov to check the dates are correct, and hopefully to put my mind at rest about this little pea inside of me... I AM HOPING AND PRAYING THIS IS GONNA BE OK.... Here in the UK you don't get to have a scan until 12-14 weeks which i think is awful!!! I have been to the doc who referred me straight to the midwife, but i haven't heard from her either, so i am kinda on my own for the next few weeks :(

I am over the moon but being cautiously optimistic (contradiction or what) - pray for us please x

FH x

It's been some time!

I have been somewhat reluctant to blog of late due to the need to grab my own mind space and chill out for a while.

My last entries were all about anticipation with regards to our first consultation, but the outcome of that changed dramatically. The clinic had never been what i would call "top notch" from the start.They gave an awful open evening, and really kept us waiting for our first appointment, which considering we were paying private was a bit of a surprise and not what we expected, but we "went with the flow" all the same. That said, they were attached to a hospital which meant that overall, the cost would be greatly reduced to that of a totally private  clinic. We had considered a private clinic but the costs were about £1500 more expensive, and whilst they looked amazing it was just a bit too much for us to cope with financially.

I think our wait was about 8 or 9 weeks just for a consultation appointment. I had certainly put alot of energy into getting myself to the point of "treatment" in my mind, so the appointment was a big thing for us to plan and the wait was a bit a a struggle, but we got to the date all the same.

So, we turn up on the day to be told that the doctor is running very much over, and there was even a couple still waiting to go in before us. DH just found this all too much (he was preparing to do a sample too), and on reflection while we waited we decided to just walk away (there was arguing too). Weirdly it felt really good to do this, and as we walked back to the car i felt a load off, and i felt really empowered to have made the decision to just walk away because "it didn't feel right" to use this clinic.... i think we knew it all along but we were just doing it for the wrong reasons - cheaper....

So after a couple weeks "cooling off" we looked at our ideal clinic that i mentioned above... i called.... they told us to come in 2 weeks - a hell of lot different to 9 weeks! They said DH can do his sample at home and bring it in - (no stage fright to worry about), and they sent a pot in the post, and the paperwork is just a different universe compared to the old place.... now it may sound odd that paperwork makes you feel better lol but the professional quality of it, just made it all feel right...

So that's where we are.... 18th Oct here we come! Excuse the pun. Still doesnt stop me imagining a miracle pregnancy in the meantime! I am still temping and dreaming those little spermies to my eggs! Although the last few weeks i wonder if part of the problem is me too what with PCOS and all, but the docs say its the sperm as a result of vas reversal....i guess we will know more soon...

On a plus side, we got the chance to see and meet our favourite band "barenaked ladies" on their UK tour so we are very happy bunnies at the moment... if you have never seen these guys... DO IT!!!

I hope you are all happy and healthy on this roller coaster ride!

Stay hopeful

FH X