Well i dare to say that i feel almost human! Sickness has gone, but i do get tired quite easily, and am noticing some pelvic pain like right down in my pubic bone area. Seeing the midwife on Jan 6th so will check in with her about that :) I am still fitting into my normal clothes which is good but i dont think it will be long before i need to go shopping ( i hate shopping, especially clothes) and buy some tops that are a bit more forgiving and some new trousers! I dont do smocks or dresses normally, so am defo not gonna be a fat pregnant woman wearing dresses lol.
Defo noticing a bump of sorts too which is really strange! I dont think i can still believe i am actually pregnant!! I have told everyone at work now which is good, i have never had so many hugs!!
I am looking forward to 20 weeks scan, and i hope baby is less wriggly so they can at least tell me what make it is!!! :) I sooo want to know!
Well i dont really have much to report as all is quiet at the moment.... I still spot after sex etc which sucks but i am getting used to it now!!!
Love and luck
FH X
Tuesday 21 December 2010
Friday 10 December 2010
13 weeks
Well the last couple of weeks have been alot better than the previous!!! I only throw up now and again, and the nausea is only very mild and not all the time! Phew!
Had scan on Monday, seems that all is ok, although it took hours to get the baby into a profile position for the downs testing!! I was in so much pain later in the day from all the rocking and prodding i was made to do!! I could hardly move! So other than waiting for blood results, all seems ok. The baby is very wiggly on screen and i am sure that i have started to feel movement!
This morning i woke up with a very bloated tummy and yelled "i have a bump", but after going to the loo it deflated somewhat!
When i reached 12 weeks i did a bit of googling as a felt i had reached a milestone. I googled "symptoms at 12 weeks" and came across molar pregnancy info which worried me no end! I looked further into it, and came across a website that had images of molar pregnancy as well as images of babies from people who had miscarried or had still births - THIS REALLY AFFCTED ME!! I was so shocked to see this sort of thing infront of me and i couldnt undertsand why people would want to put images like that on the web of their babies?! I guess its a healing process, but i think there should be a hell of a lot more proceedures in place, to help innocent paranoid pregnant women avoid it! End rant.
My cousin is pregnnat and due a week before me and has been going crazy on facebook about it, wheras i havent said a word about my pregnancy. I announced it to the family via email (we live a long way apart) last night, and she had a complete melt down about it lol. Takes the attention off of her somewhat and she didnt like it! Idiot - why cant people enjoy their own happiness and others aswell?!
Anyway....
Fruit seems to be the food of the day at the moment - nom nom nommer!
I need a holiday - looking to fly in february. I will be 5/6 months is this ok?!?!
Anyhoo - love and luck
FH X
Had scan on Monday, seems that all is ok, although it took hours to get the baby into a profile position for the downs testing!! I was in so much pain later in the day from all the rocking and prodding i was made to do!! I could hardly move! So other than waiting for blood results, all seems ok. The baby is very wiggly on screen and i am sure that i have started to feel movement!
This morning i woke up with a very bloated tummy and yelled "i have a bump", but after going to the loo it deflated somewhat!
When i reached 12 weeks i did a bit of googling as a felt i had reached a milestone. I googled "symptoms at 12 weeks" and came across molar pregnancy info which worried me no end! I looked further into it, and came across a website that had images of molar pregnancy as well as images of babies from people who had miscarried or had still births - THIS REALLY AFFCTED ME!! I was so shocked to see this sort of thing infront of me and i couldnt undertsand why people would want to put images like that on the web of their babies?! I guess its a healing process, but i think there should be a hell of a lot more proceedures in place, to help innocent paranoid pregnant women avoid it! End rant.
My cousin is pregnnat and due a week before me and has been going crazy on facebook about it, wheras i havent said a word about my pregnancy. I announced it to the family via email (we live a long way apart) last night, and she had a complete melt down about it lol. Takes the attention off of her somewhat and she didnt like it! Idiot - why cant people enjoy their own happiness and others aswell?!
Anyway....
Fruit seems to be the food of the day at the moment - nom nom nommer!
I need a holiday - looking to fly in february. I will be 5/6 months is this ok?!?!
Anyhoo - love and luck
FH X
Tuesday 23 November 2010
11 weeks tomorrow
Well i had a week of no sickness and it was rather splendid! Pretty much eaten normally, but last night the sickness came back :( I know it can be on and off at various times but i was sooooo happy it had gone! He he he the joys!
Other than that DH and i finally "got close" and all was good! Yay!
Noticed my trousers are a little tight now so need to go get some new ones like yesterday!! The world of maternity wear is a new one to me, i have no idea where to start! I may just buy some bigger clothes until bump appears....
Anyways hope all is ok with y'all!
FH X
Other than that DH and i finally "got close" and all was good! Yay!
Noticed my trousers are a little tight now so need to go get some new ones like yesterday!! The world of maternity wear is a new one to me, i have no idea where to start! I may just buy some bigger clothes until bump appears....
Anyways hope all is ok with y'all!
FH X
Thursday 11 November 2010
Nause-ARGHHHHH
Wow its fair to say i have been truly hit by the vomitting truck! I had a good week back at work last week, and managed to keep small amounts of food in me all day :) Then this week happened! I have spent nearly all of this week with my head back in the bucket/toilet/any vessel thats near! I have only kept 3 bits of toast down in 3 days, and yesterday even liquid wasnt staying down.... today however i found restbite in lucozade...what an amazing product it is, and i havent been sick!
It doesnt help that i have a mucousy nose which makes me gag quite alot and thus starts the sickness off again!
I guess its a good sign to be so ill, but i really would like to be a human again please!
Breast tenderness comes and goes, but still wearing a bra at night which helps.
Cant see a bump yet (obviously), but i certainly feel quite full in my uterus if i lean anything on it.
Saw my midwife for the first time this week. She seemed a bit "wet", more interested in paperwork than me, and when i told her about the sickness she told me to eat....ummmm go figure! Sheesh. I see her again at 16 weeks, so pretty much on my own until then. We should have our scan before this however.
So at the moment, my life is of the head in buckett form, with as much work as poss in between!
Thanks for all your comments, and i hope you are all well.
FH X
It doesnt help that i have a mucousy nose which makes me gag quite alot and thus starts the sickness off again!
I guess its a good sign to be so ill, but i really would like to be a human again please!
Breast tenderness comes and goes, but still wearing a bra at night which helps.
Cant see a bump yet (obviously), but i certainly feel quite full in my uterus if i lean anything on it.
Saw my midwife for the first time this week. She seemed a bit "wet", more interested in paperwork than me, and when i told her about the sickness she told me to eat....ummmm go figure! Sheesh. I see her again at 16 weeks, so pretty much on my own until then. We should have our scan before this however.
So at the moment, my life is of the head in buckett form, with as much work as poss in between!
Thanks for all your comments, and i hope you are all well.
FH X
Tuesday 2 November 2010
8 weeks tomorrow......and breattthhh
Saturday 23 October 2010
BLOOD
I am or at least i hope i still am 6 weeks +3 today. Yesterday i had just started to relax a little about this pregnancy, i have been having some cravings for certain foods, like steak pie, so headed out to find some - i wasnt succesful but settled for a chilli instead!
I noticed some pressure in my womb area as i was wondering around the store, and didnt really think anything of it. I also had some stabbing pains in my right ovary area (which i have been getting a hint of the last few days). It wasnt very painful at all but enough to notice...
I got home, shoved the chilli in the microwave and went for a pee. When i wiped there was bright red blood all over the tissue... i kinda said "oh f*ck" and called hubby to tell him (answerphone grr) and went straght to the ER.
It seemes to turn pinky by the time i had got there but still had the stabby psin in right ovary. They took bloods, said my urine was full of blood but there was basically nothing they can do and sent me home. They booked me a scan at the early pregnancy unit on Monday morning - another weekend stressing...
As i left the ER the blood was red again, but overnight seems to have stopped, i may have passed a small clot last night but not sure as it was in the loo! I havent had cramping, just the stabby pain....
FH
I noticed some pressure in my womb area as i was wondering around the store, and didnt really think anything of it. I also had some stabbing pains in my right ovary area (which i have been getting a hint of the last few days). It wasnt very painful at all but enough to notice...
I got home, shoved the chilli in the microwave and went for a pee. When i wiped there was bright red blood all over the tissue... i kinda said "oh f*ck" and called hubby to tell him (answerphone grr) and went straght to the ER.
It seemes to turn pinky by the time i had got there but still had the stabby psin in right ovary. They took bloods, said my urine was full of blood but there was basically nothing they can do and sent me home. They booked me a scan at the early pregnancy unit on Monday morning - another weekend stressing...
As i left the ER the blood was red again, but overnight seems to have stopped, i may have passed a small clot last night but not sure as it was in the loo! I havent had cramping, just the stabby pain....
FH
Monday 18 October 2010
Oh wow we didnt expect that!
WE ARE PREGNANT!
The week before we are due to go and sort out IVF treatment we get a miracle BFP! And boy is it a miracle, all of our tests say this is not possible... :)
I feel bad saying "pregnant" out loud, because its still really early, and i am oober superstitious, i am 5 weeks 5 days today... i am petrified and elated all at once. Every twinge and niggle i feel worries me to death and i swear my panic attacks are going to come back real soon! I am so worried that it will be an ectopic, as i have started to get a few sharp twinges in my right side today.... other than this though i had a few AF like pains during the first week which seem to have all but gone now. I get the odd dull ache or twinge if i stand up too quickly sometimes too.
Oddly my bowels aren't blocked up as all the books say, more the other way! Can someone reassure me please!!!!
I don't feel too bad at the moment apart from worrying about pains etc. I have had some nausea but it soon goes away after a little food. If i eat a big meal however i pay for it after!! Seems small and regular is the way to go! I have heard that the 6 week mark is when nausea really kicks in so we will wait and see on that one!
I had complete insomnia the week before BFP and a few days after but am settling back into sleep now. I have awful lower back pain at times, but have started to do the exercises mentioned in all the books, in a bid to strengthen my back and combat this pain! Warm baths are a god send!
The boobies are swelling and veiny and starting to darken ever so slightly!
I have booked a private scan on the 2nd Nov to check the dates are correct, and hopefully to put my mind at rest about this little pea inside of me... I AM HOPING AND PRAYING THIS IS GONNA BE OK.... Here in the UK you don't get to have a scan until 12-14 weeks which i think is awful!!! I have been to the doc who referred me straight to the midwife, but i haven't heard from her either, so i am kinda on my own for the next few weeks :(
I am over the moon but being cautiously optimistic (contradiction or what) - pray for us please x
FH x
The week before we are due to go and sort out IVF treatment we get a miracle BFP! And boy is it a miracle, all of our tests say this is not possible... :)
I feel bad saying "pregnant" out loud, because its still really early, and i am oober superstitious, i am 5 weeks 5 days today... i am petrified and elated all at once. Every twinge and niggle i feel worries me to death and i swear my panic attacks are going to come back real soon! I am so worried that it will be an ectopic, as i have started to get a few sharp twinges in my right side today.... other than this though i had a few AF like pains during the first week which seem to have all but gone now. I get the odd dull ache or twinge if i stand up too quickly sometimes too.
Oddly my bowels aren't blocked up as all the books say, more the other way! Can someone reassure me please!!!!
I don't feel too bad at the moment apart from worrying about pains etc. I have had some nausea but it soon goes away after a little food. If i eat a big meal however i pay for it after!! Seems small and regular is the way to go! I have heard that the 6 week mark is when nausea really kicks in so we will wait and see on that one!
I had complete insomnia the week before BFP and a few days after but am settling back into sleep now. I have awful lower back pain at times, but have started to do the exercises mentioned in all the books, in a bid to strengthen my back and combat this pain! Warm baths are a god send!
The boobies are swelling and veiny and starting to darken ever so slightly!
I have booked a private scan on the 2nd Nov to check the dates are correct, and hopefully to put my mind at rest about this little pea inside of me... I AM HOPING AND PRAYING THIS IS GONNA BE OK.... Here in the UK you don't get to have a scan until 12-14 weeks which i think is awful!!! I have been to the doc who referred me straight to the midwife, but i haven't heard from her either, so i am kinda on my own for the next few weeks :(
I am over the moon but being cautiously optimistic (contradiction or what) - pray for us please x
FH x
Tuesday 5 October 2010
It's been some time!
I have been somewhat reluctant to blog of late due to the need to grab my own mind space and chill out for a while.
My last entries were all about anticipation with regards to our first consultation, but the outcome of that changed dramatically. The clinic had never been what i would call "top notch" from the start.They gave an awful open evening, and really kept us waiting for our first appointment, which considering we were paying private was a bit of a surprise and not what we expected, but we "went with the flow" all the same. That said, they were attached to a hospital which meant that overall, the cost would be greatly reduced to that of a totally private clinic. We had considered a private clinic but the costs were about £1500 more expensive, and whilst they looked amazing it was just a bit too much for us to cope with financially.
I think our wait was about 8 or 9 weeks just for a consultation appointment. I had certainly put alot of energy into getting myself to the point of "treatment" in my mind, so the appointment was a big thing for us to plan and the wait was a bit a a struggle, but we got to the date all the same.
So, we turn up on the day to be told that the doctor is running very much over, and there was even a couple still waiting to go in before us. DH just found this all too much (he was preparing to do a sample too), and on reflection while we waited we decided to just walk away (there was arguing too). Weirdly it felt really good to do this, and as we walked back to the car i felt a load off, and i felt really empowered to have made the decision to just walk away because "it didn't feel right" to use this clinic.... i think we knew it all along but we were just doing it for the wrong reasons - cheaper....
So after a couple weeks "cooling off" we looked at our ideal clinic that i mentioned above... i called.... they told us to come in 2 weeks - a hell of lot different to 9 weeks! They said DH can do his sample at home and bring it in - (no stage fright to worry about), and they sent a pot in the post, and the paperwork is just a different universe compared to the old place.... now it may sound odd that paperwork makes you feel better lol but the professional quality of it, just made it all feel right...
So that's where we are.... 18th Oct here we come! Excuse the pun. Still doesnt stop me imagining a miracle pregnancy in the meantime! I am still temping and dreaming those little spermies to my eggs! Although the last few weeks i wonder if part of the problem is me too what with PCOS and all, but the docs say its the sperm as a result of vas reversal....i guess we will know more soon...
On a plus side, we got the chance to see and meet our favourite band "barenaked ladies" on their UK tour so we are very happy bunnies at the moment... if you have never seen these guys... DO IT!!!
I hope you are all happy and healthy on this roller coaster ride!
Stay hopeful
FH X
My last entries were all about anticipation with regards to our first consultation, but the outcome of that changed dramatically. The clinic had never been what i would call "top notch" from the start.They gave an awful open evening, and really kept us waiting for our first appointment, which considering we were paying private was a bit of a surprise and not what we expected, but we "went with the flow" all the same. That said, they were attached to a hospital which meant that overall, the cost would be greatly reduced to that of a totally private clinic. We had considered a private clinic but the costs were about £1500 more expensive, and whilst they looked amazing it was just a bit too much for us to cope with financially.
I think our wait was about 8 or 9 weeks just for a consultation appointment. I had certainly put alot of energy into getting myself to the point of "treatment" in my mind, so the appointment was a big thing for us to plan and the wait was a bit a a struggle, but we got to the date all the same.
So, we turn up on the day to be told that the doctor is running very much over, and there was even a couple still waiting to go in before us. DH just found this all too much (he was preparing to do a sample too), and on reflection while we waited we decided to just walk away (there was arguing too). Weirdly it felt really good to do this, and as we walked back to the car i felt a load off, and i felt really empowered to have made the decision to just walk away because "it didn't feel right" to use this clinic.... i think we knew it all along but we were just doing it for the wrong reasons - cheaper....
So after a couple weeks "cooling off" we looked at our ideal clinic that i mentioned above... i called.... they told us to come in 2 weeks - a hell of lot different to 9 weeks! They said DH can do his sample at home and bring it in - (no stage fright to worry about), and they sent a pot in the post, and the paperwork is just a different universe compared to the old place.... now it may sound odd that paperwork makes you feel better lol but the professional quality of it, just made it all feel right...
So that's where we are.... 18th Oct here we come! Excuse the pun. Still doesnt stop me imagining a miracle pregnancy in the meantime! I am still temping and dreaming those little spermies to my eggs! Although the last few weeks i wonder if part of the problem is me too what with PCOS and all, but the docs say its the sperm as a result of vas reversal....i guess we will know more soon...
On a plus side, we got the chance to see and meet our favourite band "barenaked ladies" on their UK tour so we are very happy bunnies at the moment... if you have never seen these guys... DO IT!!!
I hope you are all happy and healthy on this roller coaster ride!
Stay hopeful
FH X
Friday 17 September 2010
Luck of a different kind!
Ok, so we love the Barenaked ladies, who we knew were touring in the UK this month, but who we knew we wouldn't be able to see because we are totally poor at the moment, what with prospective fertility treatment coming up!
Anyhoo, thanks to the wonder that is twitter, i managed to win tickets for the gig in our hometown and we were totally amazed and excited and had the best time ever! It was the second time we had seen them and they just get better, even without Steve Page who has left the band!
I was gutted post show to read about people meeting the band after the show - we didn't realise we could do this! Waaaah! I was sooo depressed.....BUT!!!
I found another comp on twitter for tickets to another BNL gig....entered only once (last time i tweeted the answer like tonnes) as i thought "no chance love", and would you believe that we won tickets again!!!! Ok, so this gig is like 2 hours away, but at least we get to see them again, AND i have hope that we can meet them this time YAY!!!
On another note, first fertility appointment is on Monday..... getting nervous now.... But this good luck has me hopeful!
Love
FH X
Anyhoo, thanks to the wonder that is twitter, i managed to win tickets for the gig in our hometown and we were totally amazed and excited and had the best time ever! It was the second time we had seen them and they just get better, even without Steve Page who has left the band!
I was gutted post show to read about people meeting the band after the show - we didn't realise we could do this! Waaaah! I was sooo depressed.....BUT!!!
I found another comp on twitter for tickets to another BNL gig....entered only once (last time i tweeted the answer like tonnes) as i thought "no chance love", and would you believe that we won tickets again!!!! Ok, so this gig is like 2 hours away, but at least we get to see them again, AND i have hope that we can meet them this time YAY!!!
On another note, first fertility appointment is on Monday..... getting nervous now.... But this good luck has me hopeful!
Love
FH X
Saturday 11 September 2010
Lovely Jubbly Deliciousness!!
This week i went to visit one of my best friends who had her baby 6 weeks ago - yes bad me for not going earlier but its tricky for me...
Anyway i totally surprised myself lol. He is absolutely adorable, she and her hubby are stunning parents, and the feelings of love and adoration in the room when the 3 of them are together is so delicious it is untrue!
I left feeling elated and happy and full of joy for them, but also full of hope for my future...
I think i "think" i cant cope with people having babies around me, but in reality (when it is my closest friends), its totally cool, and i am soo unbelievably happy for them :) I think i had just surrounded myself with this massive protection barrier *no babies must be in my vicinity ever until i have one* lol.... idiot!
So this week in FH land, my job is in question, chances are i wont lose my job, but what my job will be will very likely change, which kinda sucks alot!!! I have spent 3 years getting my skills up together, training as an adult teacher, only to be told this could all change by December.... Wow this country is going through alot at the moment! I can now totally sympathise with all those whose jobs are under question.... not good, not good, BUT WE CAN ALWAYS REMAIN FOREVER HOPEFUL XXX
Anyway i totally surprised myself lol. He is absolutely adorable, she and her hubby are stunning parents, and the feelings of love and adoration in the room when the 3 of them are together is so delicious it is untrue!
I left feeling elated and happy and full of joy for them, but also full of hope for my future...
I think i "think" i cant cope with people having babies around me, but in reality (when it is my closest friends), its totally cool, and i am soo unbelievably happy for them :) I think i had just surrounded myself with this massive protection barrier *no babies must be in my vicinity ever until i have one* lol.... idiot!
So this week in FH land, my job is in question, chances are i wont lose my job, but what my job will be will very likely change, which kinda sucks alot!!! I have spent 3 years getting my skills up together, training as an adult teacher, only to be told this could all change by December.... Wow this country is going through alot at the moment! I can now totally sympathise with all those whose jobs are under question.... not good, not good, BUT WE CAN ALWAYS REMAIN FOREVER HOPEFUL XXX
Sunday 5 September 2010
15 Days to go!
Until our first appt at fertility clinic, hope it goes okay and they dont try to delay us starting treatment as i am really keen to start ASAP! Even hubby is counting the days which quite frankly surprised me! Turns out the consultant is off for 3 months and i sure don't want to wait that long...
Took a look at his swimmers under the microscope the other day and i have to say they look pretty good, better than ever infact, but i am sure a test will tell us better!! Not too long til we get that done either... still not sure how he is going to do it ....
Had another psycho "i could be pregnant" 2ww this month, boobs were sorer than ever and i havent bloated or had the pain i usually get up to a week before but today at 13dpo, i started spotting and got a negative test AGAIN.... Dunno why i insist on testing, but i had done well to hold out as long as i did lol.
Hoping all you trying to conceive and all you able ones are well and good!
Forever Hopeful x
Took a look at his swimmers under the microscope the other day and i have to say they look pretty good, better than ever infact, but i am sure a test will tell us better!! Not too long til we get that done either... still not sure how he is going to do it ....
Had another psycho "i could be pregnant" 2ww this month, boobs were sorer than ever and i havent bloated or had the pain i usually get up to a week before but today at 13dpo, i started spotting and got a negative test AGAIN.... Dunno why i insist on testing, but i had done well to hold out as long as i did lol.
Hoping all you trying to conceive and all you able ones are well and good!
Forever Hopeful x
Monday 16 August 2010
Down, down, down... :(
Things seem really tough at the moment. DH and i are arguing at the silliest of things, and trying to get him to sit down and talk about the tx is like trying to take a dog away from food... I tried to be supportive over the wkend and discuss the "sample" situation, and he was receptive at first, and then got totally embarrassed and flipped - we had a massive fight and are on barely speaking terms 2 days later....
Not sure how to deal with it really... i have been with this man every day for 7 years, and i am not getting him at all at the moment, and his tactic of not talking is not helping... to give him his due he did come to me after the fight and say he knows he can be insensitive and is sorry for that, but no sooner had he apologised he was bitching at me again! Stress? Worry about tx/work/life? I thought it was the women that were supposed to be hard to work out...
I tell him i "need" to be able to talk to him about how i feel about tx etc but he just doesn't seem to care at the moment... I am at a total loss...
My car broke when he tried to fix it this weekend which hasn't helped at all, and i am sat here on my own (finally, i think space is a good thing, and we did sleep in separate beds last night) waiting for car parts, and contemplating what on earth is going on with my life! I feel totally alone, i don't really have friends i can unload on, and i don't like to be a burden anyway!
I keep thinking i will be effectively going through tx alone, but that is certainly no way to bring a child into the world, gah, gah, gah....
Hope your lives are better
FH X
Not sure how to deal with it really... i have been with this man every day for 7 years, and i am not getting him at all at the moment, and his tactic of not talking is not helping... to give him his due he did come to me after the fight and say he knows he can be insensitive and is sorry for that, but no sooner had he apologised he was bitching at me again! Stress? Worry about tx/work/life? I thought it was the women that were supposed to be hard to work out...
I tell him i "need" to be able to talk to him about how i feel about tx etc but he just doesn't seem to care at the moment... I am at a total loss...
My car broke when he tried to fix it this weekend which hasn't helped at all, and i am sat here on my own (finally, i think space is a good thing, and we did sleep in separate beds last night) waiting for car parts, and contemplating what on earth is going on with my life! I feel totally alone, i don't really have friends i can unload on, and i don't like to be a burden anyway!
I keep thinking i will be effectively going through tx alone, but that is certainly no way to bring a child into the world, gah, gah, gah....
Hope your lives are better
FH X
Monday 9 August 2010
Save the date
Positive thoughts, positive thoughts, positive thoughts...
My mantra for the day!
So i called the clinic as i hadn't heard from them and i was told they would call today!! Impatient i know but hey times are hard, stress levels are high! She knew about me which was cool. They have to run all referrals past the Dr to see if he thinks we are in the right place! He seemed to think we were which is good, but as we are private i am sure he wouldn't turn us away anyway!
So we are booked in for the 20th September at 4pm.... The lady on the phone was so helpful.
She said that DH would have to give a semen sample on the day of first appt if poss, and i asked if our own doctor report was ok. She explained this wouldn't do, as the embryologists have to look at the sperm to see how it copes with washing and other procedures etc.
I explained that DH has difficulty "producing" to order and could we bring some in...she said no. Its better he does at least one sample at the clinic before the "actual ICSI day" he will definitely have to do it on the actual day as they need fresh sperm, so he wont be too pressurised for that one having already done it once - makes sense i guess. She did say that if it is really terrible for him he could do just the one and they could freeze it for ICSI but they do prefer fresh for obvious reasons.
So then i ask about the waiting room and how busy it will be, as that would put pressure on him too, as he would be in a tiny room round the corner knowing people are there maybe listening in etc - well obviously not but you would be panicking wouldn't you! I am so scared he wont be able to do it, but i have to tell myself to have faith, he has already had the reversal for us, and i think if he focuses and prepares he will be fine... at least i hope so. Anyway, the receptionist said that he could come in and do a sample in the early morning if he preferred when things are quieter, or we could look at times the clinic will be very quiet for him, which i thought was really nice of them...
Watch this space i guess, cant believe its a whole month plus some! The good thing is i am in the hospital that day anyway for my laser treatment so its all good - positive thoughts, positive thoughts!
Girl at work is pregnant with the most perfect bump and i am so jealous i can hardly bare to look at her. I can see her tummy button is starting to pop out, she strokes her tum, she has 6 weeks left at work..... i wish i wish this could be me :(
My mantra for the day!
So i called the clinic as i hadn't heard from them and i was told they would call today!! Impatient i know but hey times are hard, stress levels are high! She knew about me which was cool. They have to run all referrals past the Dr to see if he thinks we are in the right place! He seemed to think we were which is good, but as we are private i am sure he wouldn't turn us away anyway!
So we are booked in for the 20th September at 4pm.... The lady on the phone was so helpful.
She said that DH would have to give a semen sample on the day of first appt if poss, and i asked if our own doctor report was ok. She explained this wouldn't do, as the embryologists have to look at the sperm to see how it copes with washing and other procedures etc.
I explained that DH has difficulty "producing" to order and could we bring some in...she said no. Its better he does at least one sample at the clinic before the "actual ICSI day" he will definitely have to do it on the actual day as they need fresh sperm, so he wont be too pressurised for that one having already done it once - makes sense i guess. She did say that if it is really terrible for him he could do just the one and they could freeze it for ICSI but they do prefer fresh for obvious reasons.
So then i ask about the waiting room and how busy it will be, as that would put pressure on him too, as he would be in a tiny room round the corner knowing people are there maybe listening in etc - well obviously not but you would be panicking wouldn't you! I am so scared he wont be able to do it, but i have to tell myself to have faith, he has already had the reversal for us, and i think if he focuses and prepares he will be fine... at least i hope so. Anyway, the receptionist said that he could come in and do a sample in the early morning if he preferred when things are quieter, or we could look at times the clinic will be very quiet for him, which i thought was really nice of them...
Watch this space i guess, cant believe its a whole month plus some! The good thing is i am in the hospital that day anyway for my laser treatment so its all good - positive thoughts, positive thoughts!
Girl at work is pregnant with the most perfect bump and i am so jealous i can hardly bare to look at her. I can see her tummy button is starting to pop out, she strokes her tum, she has 6 weeks left at work..... i wish i wish this could be me :(
Friday 6 August 2010
Hairly there at all
So today i went to the hospital and handed in the referral letter to the fertility clinic. The admin lady wasnt there but i spoke to a nice nurse who was very smiley and happy - it was not what i was expecting, although thinking about it i dont know what i was expecting??
When we went for the info event there were so many people crammed into one room we felt really uncomfortable with the whole place. It was so embarrassing walking into a room full of people who were all there for the same thing, all nervous and fidgety, and to top that off - squashed together like sardines! The presentation had out of date slides, the doctor seemed flippant.. it all felt wrong.
We left very disheartned that night, but after speaking to many ladies and a good friend of mine who have used the clinic, as well as looking at their costs it seems they are the only realistic option we have at the moment, and the atmosphere today was so much better! That might be to do with the fact that only 1 lady was in the waiting room.. i later went on to wonder if her poor other half was in the "production" room - i dont know how my man is going to cope with that at all, he really struggles to perform under pressure... like really!
There is a clinic nearer to us, but they will cost over £1000 more and i just cant deal with that... they also charge for blood tests, where as ours doesnt. The only thing about our clinic is that they dont take embies to blasto stage... the other clinic does but for £450 more!!! ggrrrrrrrrr!
So anyway, had my first laser hair treatment today and it was quite nice!! Didnt hurt at all!! I turned up near on an hour early and they saw me which was fabulous.....
Will be interesting to see how the hair grows back after one treatment!! I go back in September for round 2 :)
FH x
When we went for the info event there were so many people crammed into one room we felt really uncomfortable with the whole place. It was so embarrassing walking into a room full of people who were all there for the same thing, all nervous and fidgety, and to top that off - squashed together like sardines! The presentation had out of date slides, the doctor seemed flippant.. it all felt wrong.
We left very disheartned that night, but after speaking to many ladies and a good friend of mine who have used the clinic, as well as looking at their costs it seems they are the only realistic option we have at the moment, and the atmosphere today was so much better! That might be to do with the fact that only 1 lady was in the waiting room.. i later went on to wonder if her poor other half was in the "production" room - i dont know how my man is going to cope with that at all, he really struggles to perform under pressure... like really!
There is a clinic nearer to us, but they will cost over £1000 more and i just cant deal with that... they also charge for blood tests, where as ours doesnt. The only thing about our clinic is that they dont take embies to blasto stage... the other clinic does but for £450 more!!! ggrrrrrrrrr!
So anyway, had my first laser hair treatment today and it was quite nice!! Didnt hurt at all!! I turned up near on an hour early and they saw me which was fabulous.....
Will be interesting to see how the hair grows back after one treatment!! I go back in September for round 2 :)
FH x
It wasnt to be...
Ok, so i am out this month AGAIN!
Grrrr, i can normally tell about a week before AF anyway that she is on her way, i can "feel" her messing about with my insides! She really is evil!
Started spotting yesterday at 12dpo, and of course i was still hopefull, and althoughi am still only spotting today, a realistic look at our semen tests kinda told me to get a true grip on reality girl and focus on treatment not naturelle!!! OH AND THE BFN ON A P TEST KIND OF TOLD ME TOO LOL! It is so sad, to think that i will never get pregnant naturally, and there is no guarantee either that treatment will work for me - i could cry and cry and cry.... But i wont, i need to be strong! But... i still dont have p pains... 13dpo i am usually a cripple by now in pain.... hmmmm, this may be down to the fact that i took asprin from end of last period to now, which is supposed to make your ovaries more affective and your womb a nicer place to burrow into... maybe i wont get such bad p pain because the blood is better layered and less clotty? (which it usually is).... we will see i guess!
So i am off to Wiltshire today to see a specialist about laser hair removal - one of the symptoms of PCOS, I have had to grow my facial hair for 2 whole weeks, and baring in mind i normally remove it every 3 or 4 days and pluck the odd one daily its been a total struggle for me!! I cant wait to get out the hospital and pluck pluck pluck! I have been walking around work with my face burrowed into jumpers and with a hand casually draped across my mouth and moustach area when i chat - could i be any more obvious?!
Luckily the fertility unit we will be using is at this hospital too, so i can drop our referral letter in at the same time which is useful.... i am really scared about this whole thing.... like really. I feel sick just thinking about it.
Talk later
FH x
Grrrr, i can normally tell about a week before AF anyway that she is on her way, i can "feel" her messing about with my insides! She really is evil!
Started spotting yesterday at 12dpo, and of course i was still hopefull, and althoughi am still only spotting today, a realistic look at our semen tests kinda told me to get a true grip on reality girl and focus on treatment not naturelle!!! OH AND THE BFN ON A P TEST KIND OF TOLD ME TOO LOL! It is so sad, to think that i will never get pregnant naturally, and there is no guarantee either that treatment will work for me - i could cry and cry and cry.... But i wont, i need to be strong! But... i still dont have p pains... 13dpo i am usually a cripple by now in pain.... hmmmm, this may be down to the fact that i took asprin from end of last period to now, which is supposed to make your ovaries more affective and your womb a nicer place to burrow into... maybe i wont get such bad p pain because the blood is better layered and less clotty? (which it usually is).... we will see i guess!
So i am off to Wiltshire today to see a specialist about laser hair removal - one of the symptoms of PCOS, I have had to grow my facial hair for 2 whole weeks, and baring in mind i normally remove it every 3 or 4 days and pluck the odd one daily its been a total struggle for me!! I cant wait to get out the hospital and pluck pluck pluck! I have been walking around work with my face burrowed into jumpers and with a hand casually draped across my mouth and moustach area when i chat - could i be any more obvious?!
Luckily the fertility unit we will be using is at this hospital too, so i can drop our referral letter in at the same time which is useful.... i am really scared about this whole thing.... like really. I feel sick just thinking about it.
Talk later
FH x
Thursday 5 August 2010
Sperm ~0 ~0 ~0
I sadly made the mistake of adding "sperm" to my interests, and when i clicked on it i was surprised to see various things that included, penises of all shapes and degress of firmness, as well as several porn sites.... wont do that again then will i.... sheesh
Here we are at the beginning...
Well the beginning of blogging at least!
So who am i? We will stick to the screen name "Forever Hopeful" (FH) for now. I am a 28 year old female from the UK, if it helps you to "visualise" me then i am a size 14, blue eyes, blonde hair, straight teeth... My hubby is 48, yes age gap woo hoo, and we have been together for 7 years, and have been married for 4 months :)
I am currently in month 15 of "officially" trying to conceive, needless to say, i am not yet pregnant.
I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome that has been described as "chronic", and my partner is a vasectomy "victim".
Why victim you ask? I feel that so many men opt to have a vasectomy without fully thinking through the consequences of doing so.
Of course, when the decision is made its usually out of respect to his partner who has no doubt bore children to him. "She did that for me, so i will do this for her". Of course in the majority of cases this remains the right decision for them.
In my husbands case, the vasectomy itself caused many problems, pain for many years, tender testicles, and of course the desire to have children with his new wife - me....
Having had 4 children from his first marriage we anticipated that a reversal would be successful, which is was in the most part.
We spent hours and hours researching the best surgeon to do the job and found Dr Dawson in Hartlepool to be the best guy for "us". So in March 2009 off we trotted to have the operation which in reversal terms was an absolute sucess. Both sides were connected and sperm was seen on both sides - great news! Here comes our baby!!
WRONG!
Hubby healed really quickly post op and we were so excited to try, we waited i think 3 weeks instead of the 4 to start trying, but he couldnt help himself and theres no stopping a horny guy! A mans gotta do what a mans gotta do!
Serm count was monitored over 3 tests from July 2009 to Jan 2010 - i will post these later, but in short the lil guys have 100% antibodies (typical post reversal), poor motility and poor morphology.... no chance of catching my eggy!
What about my PCOS then?
I see the endochronology team on a regular basis, they take bloods, make me pee in pots for 24 hour periods, discuss my symptoms.... not much else doing really!
They put me on Metformin for many months to help control my weight as PCOS means you can store more fat from the sugars you eat... to be fair, combined with diet and excercise this really helped for a while, but i started to get bad liver pain and nausea after about a year of taking Metformin so i stopped and i have never felt better! I think the tablets became part of my "focus" to get pregnant when all they really did was make me feel rubbish.
So i am off Metformin, i did exercise for about a year before my wedding in April 2010, but since then i have had post wedding "emptyness" and this combined with infertility = one lazy mamma wannabe :(
So who am i? We will stick to the screen name "Forever Hopeful" (FH) for now. I am a 28 year old female from the UK, if it helps you to "visualise" me then i am a size 14, blue eyes, blonde hair, straight teeth... My hubby is 48, yes age gap woo hoo, and we have been together for 7 years, and have been married for 4 months :)
I am currently in month 15 of "officially" trying to conceive, needless to say, i am not yet pregnant.
I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome that has been described as "chronic", and my partner is a vasectomy "victim".
Why victim you ask? I feel that so many men opt to have a vasectomy without fully thinking through the consequences of doing so.
Of course, when the decision is made its usually out of respect to his partner who has no doubt bore children to him. "She did that for me, so i will do this for her". Of course in the majority of cases this remains the right decision for them.
In my husbands case, the vasectomy itself caused many problems, pain for many years, tender testicles, and of course the desire to have children with his new wife - me....
Having had 4 children from his first marriage we anticipated that a reversal would be successful, which is was in the most part.
We spent hours and hours researching the best surgeon to do the job and found Dr Dawson in Hartlepool to be the best guy for "us". So in March 2009 off we trotted to have the operation which in reversal terms was an absolute sucess. Both sides were connected and sperm was seen on both sides - great news! Here comes our baby!!
WRONG!
Hubby healed really quickly post op and we were so excited to try, we waited i think 3 weeks instead of the 4 to start trying, but he couldnt help himself and theres no stopping a horny guy! A mans gotta do what a mans gotta do!
Serm count was monitored over 3 tests from July 2009 to Jan 2010 - i will post these later, but in short the lil guys have 100% antibodies (typical post reversal), poor motility and poor morphology.... no chance of catching my eggy!
What about my PCOS then?
I see the endochronology team on a regular basis, they take bloods, make me pee in pots for 24 hour periods, discuss my symptoms.... not much else doing really!
They put me on Metformin for many months to help control my weight as PCOS means you can store more fat from the sugars you eat... to be fair, combined with diet and excercise this really helped for a while, but i started to get bad liver pain and nausea after about a year of taking Metformin so i stopped and i have never felt better! I think the tablets became part of my "focus" to get pregnant when all they really did was make me feel rubbish.
So i am off Metformin, i did exercise for about a year before my wedding in April 2010, but since then i have had post wedding "emptyness" and this combined with infertility = one lazy mamma wannabe :(
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